12.05.2009

be what you are
we dont become saints by our actions. we are made saints by the immediate supernatural action of the Holy Spirit alone who works this change deep within our inner being so that we do, in fact, become new creations in Christ. This change of state is described prophetically in Ez. 36:26: "I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And i will remove the heart of stone (a dead and unresponsive heart) from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh (a living and responsive heart)."
Paul begins his first letter to the Corinthian chuch by addressing them as "those sanctified (set apart by God) in Christ Jesus, called to be saints (set-apart ones)." then he spends the remainder of his letter vigorously exhorting them to act like saints. In one sense, Paul's letter could be summarized in this statement "you are saints. now act like saints!"
- Respectable Sins, Jerry Bridges.

.....he then goes on to talk about how in the military they had a phrase that was "conduct unbecoming an officer"... where an officer had failed to live up to his responsibility as a military officer. in the same way, if i am a saint... i could change this to "conduct unbecoming a saint."...and we call this sin. Mr. Bridges points out two problems we have: 1) we dont think of ourselves as saints and 2) we dont think of little misconducts as sin.

i know this is true for me. i dont see myself as a saint and i dont take sin seriously.
conduct of a saint..... what does that even look like?? i think a saint loves jesus #1, loves others, is a servant, is diligent, focused, patient, gentle, forgiving.... ya. fail fail fail.
im just thinking, seriously, if i lived my day like i was a saint... i would live my life with a different mindset. i think of myself as a lazy, existing being who has lost her focus. and im tired of failing. im tired of not doing what i know i need to do. but if i saw myself as a saint.......my day would have purpose and i would do what im supposed to.
seriously, there is so much going through my head, i cannot sort it all out. i am struggling with the fact that im am intensely lazy and dont care about stuff i should care about. Jesus has become an add-on to my life. i want him to BE my life. i want to wake up in the morning and talk to Jesus, and live my day and talk to Jesus, and talk to people and talk to Jesus, and go to work and talk to Jesus, and eat my dinner and talk to Jesus, and go to bed and talk to Jesus.... there is life there. i have known that. i have known Jesus incredibly real to me!! and... i have become lazy. i have lost the focus. lost the meaning. and i wake up late (cuz im lazy) and end up late to the bus (cuz im lazy and rush around like crazy) and get to work late (cuz i dont care...no one does really...whether i get there at 8 or 8:30) and i do my stuff slow (cuz im lazy and i struggle to stay busy) and i wait until the last minute to do my chores (cuz im lazy) and then they BAD need to be done and i feel horrible that i didnt do them before the last minute and then i get off work and i get home and i just hang out cuz im lazy and dont feel like doing anything. and the evening gets away from me and i go to bed late (cuz im lazy) and i dont read my bible (cuz im lazy and its 1am and im tired) and this is my life.... and it sucks!! being lazy makes me feel lazy so i dont do the next right thing, i do the next lazy thing... cuz that is what i am... lazy.
so... if i am a saint.... im not lazy. lazy is conduct unbecoming a saint. hmm...
Diligence is a quality becoming of a saint...
something that just hit me.... is that my life is a choice. i live what i choose. when i sit at my computer and do nothing...im 1) choosing not to do what i should and 2) choosing to be lazy. i choose to go to bed late. i choose to not read my bible. i choose to not do my laundry. its not that i dont choose to.... its that i choose not to. hmm.....
i am a saint. now i should choose to live like one, huh?
....but i get tired and revert back to my old lazy self. :(
Jesus.... I need you!! i need you in my life all day every day. i need the reality of your presence. i need my sin real to me. and your salvation realer. i need your word to speak into my life. i need a heart of diligence to replace my heart of laziness. i need you, jesus!!

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